The Chopsticks Strike Back

“Wow. Friday. The golden promised land after five consecutive days of desk-dining like a highly paid raccoon.

Pop open the bamboo chopsticks with the enthusiasm of a man who still believes in ‘work-life balance.’

They immediately go full seppuku and drive a perfect splinter straight into my thumb.

Because of course they do. Why settle for mediocre takeout when you can also get tetanus with it?

Now I’m bleeding on Alt+Tab like it’s performance art while my soul quietly files for occupational therapy.

Cloud Program Manager highlight reel: where even disposable utensils stage a rebellion.

Truly living the dream. See you Monday—same thumb, same despair, fresh memory overflow. 🩸🥢😭 #PeakAdulting #SendCoffinInstead”